Comments for Walks Beside Coaching and Consulting http://www.walksbesidecoaching.com "Conversations at the Core"™             The not so traditional conversations... Tue, 21 Feb 2012 00:18:07 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 Comment on Is it Hard to Say Thank You? by Bradley Ann Morgan http://www.walksbesidecoaching.com/2012/01/is-it-hard-to-say-thank-you/#comment-880 Bradley Ann Morgan Tue, 21 Feb 2012 00:18:07 +0000 http://www.walksbesidecoaching.com/?p=850#comment-880 Phyllis--I agree with you on expressing statements of excellent service. In the airline clubs, I try to let those folks know when they have exceeded the 'usual' level of service; and, I also get their name to tell their supervisor. It's not often any of us hear a sincere thank you! Phyllis–I agree with you on expressing statements of excellent service. In the airline clubs, I try to let those folks know when they have exceeded the ‘usual’ level of service; and, I also get their name to tell their supervisor. It’s not often any of us hear a sincere thank you!

]]> Comment on How do You Sustain Trust in Conflict Resolution? by Pat Farrell http://www.walksbesidecoaching.com/2011/09/how-do-you-sustain-trust-in-conflict-resolution/#comment-817 Pat Farrell Wed, 08 Feb 2012 03:41:51 +0000 http://www.walksbesidecoaching.com/?p=790#comment-817 I love the article "Care Fronting" that was in the Nurses Christian Fellowship several years ago. It reminds us of the principle of confrontations - and the goal is to restore and not destroy relationships. Love your blog posts You two are the best! I love the article “Care Fronting” that was in the Nurses Christian Fellowship several years ago. It reminds us of the principle of confrontations – and the goal is to restore and not destroy relationships. Love your blog posts You two are the best!

]]> Comment on Restoring Trust after Corporate Betrayal? by Phyllis http://www.walksbesidecoaching.com/2011/10/restoring-trust-after-corporate-betrayal/#comment-806 Phyllis Sun, 05 Feb 2012 14:31:45 +0000 http://www.walksbesidecoaching.com/?p=799#comment-806 I had a similar experience once -- the negativity came from my supervisor in a formal evaluation. This 'professional' made unfair derogatory comments about me and then stated that I was unable to handle negative feedback. This effectively tied my hands with regard to any challenge of the evaluation. It was brilliant! I had no options to move to a new office -- especially with such a negative evaluation. So I stayed and continued to work in the manner I always had. After about a year, I was meeting with my higher-level manager who was pleased about some work I had been doing. He expressed his pleasure and I commented, very strongly, that the quality of my work had not changed since my arrival in the office. He seemed confused, so I stated again, "The quality of my work has not changed in the last year." He got it. When I interviewed later for a new position, my new manager was quite impressed by the double-bind of my earlier evaluation. But, he knew me -- and trusted me with the new assignment. What had I done to deserve the double-bind negative review? Although I never found out definitively, I did gain some insights from others: this particular manager believed that in order to demonstrate her managerial skills, she needed to deal with a problem employee. Since she didn't have one, as the newest member of the team, I was 'designated' the problem. I learned a lot about trust and lack thereof in organizations. It can be broken at the drop of a hat. And time can only restore it to a limited extent. In this chain of events, I learned to be very cautious of the system and to rely on person-to-person trust relationships to a far greater extent. Well-developed and maintained personal relationships can place the responsibility for broken trusts where it rightly belongs -- with the breaker of the trust, not the recipient or target. I had a similar experience once — the negativity came from my supervisor in a formal evaluation. This ‘professional’ made unfair derogatory comments about me and then stated that I was unable to handle negative feedback. This effectively tied my hands with regard to any challenge of the evaluation. It was brilliant!
I had no options to move to a new office — especially with such a negative evaluation. So I stayed and continued to work in the manner I always had. After about a year, I was meeting with my higher-level manager who was pleased about some work I had been doing. He expressed his pleasure and I commented, very strongly, that the quality of my work had not changed since my arrival in the office. He seemed confused, so I stated again, “The quality of my work has not changed in the last year.” He got it.
When I interviewed later for a new position, my new manager was quite impressed by the double-bind of my earlier evaluation. But, he knew me — and trusted me with the new assignment.
What had I done to deserve the double-bind negative review? Although I never found out definitively, I did gain some insights from others: this particular manager believed that in order to demonstrate her managerial skills, she needed to deal with a problem employee. Since she didn’t have one, as the newest member of the team, I was ‘designated’ the problem.
I learned a lot about trust and lack thereof in organizations. It can be broken at the drop of a hat. And time can only restore it to a limited extent. In this chain of events, I learned to be very cautious of the system and to rely on person-to-person trust relationships to a far greater extent.
Well-developed and maintained personal relationships can place the responsibility for broken trusts where it rightly belongs — with the breaker of the trust, not the recipient or target.

]]> Comment on Is it Hard to Say Thank You? by Phyllis http://www.walksbesidecoaching.com/2012/01/is-it-hard-to-say-thank-you/#comment-805 Phyllis Sun, 05 Feb 2012 14:05:28 +0000 http://www.walksbesidecoaching.com/?p=850#comment-805 Yes, I do crave words of thanks, when they might be appropriate. I am usually good in providing words of thanks also. Just this morning, I dealt with a problem with an on-line order and called the company's phone service. I was greeted by a most incredibly pleasant and helpful customer service rep. She checked into the problem, acknowledged the issue, and carefully completed my order over the phone. She could not have been more helpful or easy to work with. Yes, I told her so, when I expressed my appreciation. In addition, I'm planning on letting her management know. She was that good. So, who? Tara at Easy Spirit Shoes. ;-) Yes, I do crave words of thanks, when they might be appropriate. I am usually good in providing words of thanks also.
Just this morning, I dealt with a problem with an on-line order and called the company’s phone service. I was greeted by a most incredibly pleasant and helpful customer service rep. She checked into the problem, acknowledged the issue, and carefully completed my order over the phone. She could not have been more helpful or easy to work with. Yes, I told her so, when I expressed my appreciation. In addition, I’m planning on letting her management know. She was that good.
So, who? Tara at Easy Spirit Shoes. ;-)

]]> Comment on Are You Doubting Your Judgment Abilities? by Michelle Tell http://www.walksbesidecoaching.com/2011/12/are-you-doubting-your-judgment-abilities/#comment-495 Michelle Tell Fri, 23 Dec 2011 19:49:58 +0000 http://www.walksbesidecoaching.com/?p=842#comment-495 "learning judgment is the process of experiencing events, reflection on those experiences for lessons learned; and, predicting what might happen in similar situations in the future." This speaks to me ...I am in a new role within my organization and find myself doubting my ability to meet expectations put on me...but in learning about myself along my career journey I realize that most of my doubt comes from my own expections...I want to exceed not just meet my goals and feel that this is where my doubt creeps in. “learning judgment is the process of experiencing events, reflection on those experiences for lessons learned; and, predicting what might happen in similar situations in the future.”
This speaks to me …I am in a new role within my organization and find myself doubting my ability to meet expectations put on me…but in learning about myself along my career journey I realize that most of my doubt comes from my own expections…I want to exceed not just meet my goals and feel that this is where my doubt creeps in.

]]> Comment on Restoring Trust after Corporate Betrayal? by Rob Goldberg http://www.walksbesidecoaching.com/2011/10/restoring-trust-after-corporate-betrayal/#comment-470 Rob Goldberg Sun, 18 Dec 2011 22:20:41 +0000 http://www.walksbesidecoaching.com/?p=799#comment-470 'Can you restore trust in the current environment?" I believe the answer and probability of restoring trust is very dependent upon many factors: Whom and where in the organizational hierarchy did the betrayal occurred, what was the scope or audience of the betrayal, was the information disclosed false or misleading, what is your position in the company and how supportive is your management team, are but a few. As a manager, if the betrayal occurred in your team, I believe the chances of restoring trust are very high if you take immediate action to address the unacceptability of this behavior to the entire team. If this is a violation of one of your core values you publicized to your team when you came on board so much the better. You can now invoke the consequences of violating your core values which will further build trust in your If the betrayal was outside your organization then it becomes much more complicated as you will have to involve other peers or seniors in the corporate organization to help resolve the issue. The objective is the same to get the offended individual or group to regain some level of trust that can increase over time by understanding the reason behind the perceived betrayal or through and/or an apology. In practice I have seldom seen anyone apologize and have had to settle with the other manager’s guarantee that he/she will address the issue so it does not happen again. In circumstances where the offense warranted or when it has happened again I have escalated up the chain to the next manager and HR with success. When the betrayal is at the executive level… unfortunately I have experienced this and it is a real challenge beyond the scope of this blog. ‘Can you restore trust in the current environment?” I believe the answer and probability of restoring trust is very dependent upon many factors: Whom and where in the organizational hierarchy did the betrayal occurred, what was the scope or audience of the betrayal, was the information disclosed false or misleading, what is your position in the company and how supportive is your management team, are but a few.

As a manager, if the betrayal occurred in your team, I believe the chances of restoring trust are very high if you take immediate action to address the unacceptability of this behavior to the entire team. If this is a violation of one of your core values you publicized to your team when you came on board so much the better. You can now invoke the consequences of violating your core values which will further build trust in your

If the betrayal was outside your organization then it becomes much more complicated as you will have to involve other peers or seniors in the corporate organization to help resolve the issue. The objective is the same to get the offended individual or group to regain some level of trust that can increase over time by understanding the reason behind the perceived betrayal or through and/or an apology. In practice I have seldom seen anyone apologize and have had to settle with the other manager’s guarantee that he/she will address the issue so it does not happen again. In circumstances where the offense warranted or when it has happened again I have escalated up the chain to the next manager and HR with success.

When the betrayal is at the executive level… unfortunately I have experienced this and it is a real challenge beyond the scope of this blog.

]]> Comment on Restoring Trust after Corporate Betrayal? by Peter Murray http://www.walksbesidecoaching.com/2011/10/restoring-trust-after-corporate-betrayal/#comment-460 Peter Murray Sat, 17 Dec 2011 00:50:27 +0000 http://www.walksbesidecoaching.com/?p=799#comment-460 I had a recent experience where I found out through a third party that an executive had made some disparaging comments about me. Others lost trust in me as a result. Yes, my first reaction was anger, followed by despair. At first, I thought I had failed and that there was little reason to continue. Honestly, I am still worried that my career path with the company has been limited by this unfair and inaccurate criticism. Instead of fighting back right away, I chose to evaluate my situation. I'm older, so getting a new position would be a challenge, and I'm not able to retire yet. I chose to keep my head down, do the right things for the company and just keep going. Fortunately, I've had good relationships with customers and nearly all of my co-workers, and have contributed in ways that have been received well. I have continued to work with the "problem" exec as constructively as I know how, and seem to be making headway. It will take a long time to restore trust with the exec, but having a good relationship with others helps a lot. Honestly, I don't know if it's going to work out, but reflecting on who I am at my core and what I want for the rest of my life is helping me to remain positive and continue contributing. I see my marriage and retirement with financial stability (a ways off, but I'm looking forward to it!) as my primary goals, and remembering those goals helps me stay on track. If this doesn't work out, I will find another path to my goal. The anger and grief, though troubling (and I think a necessary part of healing), won't help me get to my goal. I think believing in myself and contributing daily will. I had a recent experience where I found out through a third party that an executive had made some disparaging comments about me. Others lost trust in me as a result. Yes, my first reaction was anger, followed by despair. At first, I thought I had failed and that there was little reason to continue. Honestly, I am still worried that my career path with the company has been limited by this unfair and inaccurate criticism.

Instead of fighting back right away, I chose to evaluate my situation. I’m older, so getting a new position would be a challenge, and I’m not able to retire yet. I chose to keep my head down, do the right things for the company and just keep going. Fortunately, I’ve had good relationships with customers and nearly all of my co-workers, and have contributed in ways that have been received well. I have continued to work with the “problem” exec as constructively as I know how, and seem to be making headway. It will take a long time to restore trust with the exec, but having a good relationship with others helps a lot.

Honestly, I don’t know if it’s going to work out, but reflecting on who I am at my core and what I want for the rest of my life is helping me to remain positive and continue contributing. I see my marriage and retirement with financial stability (a ways off, but I’m looking forward to it!) as my primary goals, and remembering those goals helps me stay on track.

If this doesn’t work out, I will find another path to my goal. The anger and grief, though troubling (and I think a necessary part of healing), won’t help me get to my goal. I think believing in myself and contributing daily will.

]]> Comment on Welcome to our blog by Sandra http://www.walksbesidecoaching.com/2011/03/welcome-to-our-blog/#comment-75 Sandra Mon, 15 Aug 2011 19:59:23 +0000 http://www.walksbesidecoaching.com/?p=651#comment-75 Your new blog is a great forum for expression on topics that are top of mind, generally, today. Kudos to you! Keep the articles coming! Great job! Your new blog is a great forum for expression on topics that are top of mind, generally, today. Kudos to you! Keep the articles coming! Great job!

]]> Comment on Without Trust no Effective Learning WorkPlace by Sandra http://www.walksbesidecoaching.com/2011/07/without-trust-no-effective-learning-workplace/#comment-74 Sandra Mon, 15 Aug 2011 19:56:53 +0000 http://www.walksbesidecoaching.com/?p=772#comment-74 Great article(s) on trust. Without it as a cornerstone, entire structure of the organization is flawed and vulnerable to easy destruction. Trust has to be embraced and demonstrated by all, top to bottom and across all levels and it cannot be mandated. It can only be earned. Great article(s) on trust. Without it as a cornerstone, entire structure of the organization is flawed and vulnerable to easy destruction. Trust has to be embraced and demonstrated by all, top to bottom and across all levels and it cannot be mandated. It can only be earned.

]]> Comment on Without Trust no Effective Learning WorkPlace by Don Williams http://www.walksbesidecoaching.com/2011/07/without-trust-no-effective-learning-workplace/#comment-69 Don Williams Thu, 11 Aug 2011 21:05:39 +0000 http://www.walksbesidecoaching.com/?p=772#comment-69 Very good points on trust. One additional factor about trust is the attitude of those who break trust for some reason (even beyond their control). There are two different responses from someone who has broken trust: excuse, or try to repair. Excuses: The situation changed beyond my control/other more important things came up/I forgot I promised that/etc. , which all translate into "it ain't my fault so stop blaming me and go away". Repair: Acknowledge the break in trust and make efforts to take steps to try to do the best with the new situation. "You are right, I did promise xyz to you. The situation has changed, but let's see what we can do to try to work on a solution." Very good points on trust. One additional factor about trust is the attitude of those who break trust for some reason (even beyond their control). There are two different responses from someone who has broken trust: excuse, or try to repair.
Excuses: The situation changed beyond my control/other more important things came up/I forgot I promised that/etc. , which all translate into “it ain’t my fault so stop blaming me and go away”.
Repair: Acknowledge the break in trust and make efforts to take steps to try to do the best with the new situation. “You are right, I did promise xyz to you. The situation has changed, but let’s see what we can do to try to work on a solution.”

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